When I remember Julia, I think of Margaret. I can see her having a bath in the laundry room set tub. It wasn't a pretty setting, but Mommy and daughter couldn't have been happier...the little one standing up in her slippery, soapy skin and her mother gently rinsing her. It was an act of love. I often see her naked. She had a beautiful muscularly molely little body. When she was up here on the Cape she took showers outside. I remember her mother told her she could pee in the shrubs before she stood under the shower. She loved it.

She loved Oscar Meyer wieners, cut-up, and fried in a pan, and served with ketchup. I can see her sitting at the kitchen table in the warm sun half protected by the crooked window blinds. She bothers Will somehow and I hear, "Jules!!!" She's apt to answer "it's not fair". If she weren't sitting she would stomp her foot.

Julia was physical and intense. She would flop on her tummy on the old skate board and fly across the kitchen floor. The last time we played kaboom hockey she was a dynamo. She just got into it in the biggest way. I couldn't keep up with her. I bet Will remembers. And then in quieter moments she would spin on her tummy on the old swing set and stare at the dirt under the seat. She could do that for a long time. She also liked to get dirty. And her mother let her. Once we went over there and she had been painting old card board boxes. What a mess. She couldn't have been happier.

Julia was happiness. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She loved hide and go seek. She and I played against Emmy and Will. She would find these little places to hide that weren't big enough for me. I can feel her little hand.

We played hide and go seek on Thanksgiving. I hid with Julia while Gin-Gin, Emmy, and Will tried to find us. She would hold my hand and stay quieter than you could imagine. She loved to rough house and tumble. She would tumble all over the living room floor...just roll around everywhere. I can see her on the floor with her Daddy and her Uncle Boody.

Julia was fun...just plain fun. And she was never more fun than when I played chopsticks for her. Again and again and again and louder and louder and louder.

Julia was love. And she had "friends". And Drew was one of her friends. I don't know how many she had, but he was definitely one of them. I can see them lying on the couch together, both wearing their matching red slippers.

She loved to come over to our Brookside house and play with the pans in the pantry. It was like a little house to her. Emmy and Will always liked it too. Will loved to putt on the golf mat and she wanted to try it too. Somehow Will's head and the TV screen survived.

I remember trying to go to a band concert in Chatham. I think it got rained out. Julia was all dressed up and she had a balloon. We were afraid she would lose the balloon so we tried to tie it to her fingers. She had a hissy fit. A man witnessing all of this was very amused and said she would be a pistol when she grew up. Our friend, Diane Lawrence, thought she was going to be very beautiful. I think they were both right.

We went to Ciro and Sal's the last time she was up here. After dinner we started walking down the main street of Provincetown. Julia started running and realized she could run faster than Papa. She took off down the street and before Emmy could catch her, she had everyone laughing and watching her. She had the street in contagious laughter. She was adorable.

Julia was tough too. Once at Crystal Lake I was in the water with Emmy and watching Will and Julia on the beach. She was pestering him so he gave her a good push. She flew in the air, landed on her tummy and slid across the sand. She brushed herself off and stood up. I was amazed.

I have very sad memories too. I remember her eating with relish the last grapefruit I would ever fix for her. I remember watching her read the story book collection that was to belong to the little cousin she would never know. And I will remember forever her asking me if she would ever see me again. I will always remember these things. If they are painful, so be it. They are part of Julia and her life and very, very precious.